I am writing this because the Bible strongly encourages Christians to be and remain celebate, unless they are married at the time they become a Christian. And I am writing this because to remain celebate is very difficult, yet many of us, those who believe that sex is only allowed in marriege, have to be celebate because we do not have an opportunity to be married.
I was married for many years, then I lost my wife. That made me a single dad to a daughter. Not only did I not have an option to remarry because I had no wife canditates, but my daughter needed all of my attention instead of the complications of having a new "mom".
After years of marriage I found myself having to embrace celebacy. I cried out to the Lord for help and He shared His Wisdom to enable me to stay celebate. Everything that He told me is from the Christian, Prostestant, Bible. I do not list the scriptures here because I believe God just wants me to comfort others with the comfort He has given me, and He will reveal to you the scriptural principles that apply if you know the Bible, or will lead you to them if you seek Him. I believe God wants you to test everything anyone says by the Bible if you can get one. Do not believe just because I or anyone else says it.
There are several reasons to be celebate if you believe the Bible. Having sex with anyone other than your spouse is sin, so if you are not married than you have to be celebate. If you do not have the opportuniy to marry than you must remain celebate. The New Testament encourages us to remain single if we are single when we become a Christian. Jesus encourages us to remain single by calling it a gift for those who are willing to embrace it. Paul encourages us to be single so we can be free to focus wholly on serving God. The Bible says that in the last days moms and children will suffer more, and we are in the last days. Then there are more earthly reasons to be single, which means to be celebate. In my case it was a matter of seeing that my daughter already had enough to deal with and needed as much attention as I could give her. My daughter needed to be my priority, and the preservation of her and I as a family needed to be my focus. I could not complicate our situation by looking for a wife, or by bringing a new "mom" into her life. There are many other earthly reasons why it is unwise or not possible to marry.
But, except for some rare individuals, we all have a strong desire to have a mate. So how can we overcome that desire? What God did for me was to show me from His Word what the truth was about this mating drive, and that once we see the truth it becomes a matter of what our priorities are, based on what we want the most. First there is the fact that our bodies are referred to in the Word as "natural", and our souls are referred to as spiritual. Then there is the fact that the spiritual is eternal and the natural is temporary. Then there is the fact we are instructed to love God who is Spirit more than we love the natural. Then there is the fact that we are instructed to work for that which is eternal instead of that which is temporary. And we are intructed to keep our minds on that which is Heavenly instead of that which is earthly. We are also instructed to store our treasures in Heaven instead of on earth. Then there is the fact that there is no gender in Heaven. We are instructed to be living sacrifices taking up our cross daily and following Jesus. The Bible says that the best natural man can do is as filthy rags, and all the earthly things we can do or get are "vanity of vanities". Only that which is done for God will last. God tells us we are supposed to overcome the flesh and rule it instead of letting it rule us. As these concepts went through my mind I began to realize that the source of my desire for a mate is from my natural body. All the wonderful sensations of sexual desire and practice, all the enjoyable romantic feelings and exeriences, these things are really only the product of this natural body's chemistry. They are all part of temporary, earthly experiences, the product of "love drugs" in my body. They are not God's love. Take away the chemically induced attraction and excitement, and that "love" is gone. God's love is real and everlasting and is not dependent on chemistry. God's love is perfectly moral. Sexual love has no moral character. The dream-come-true promise of the natural mind's concept that life is fulfilled through mating is a lie. The I-can't-live-without-a-mate feeling and idea is a lie. The "loneliness" that I feel is a lie. I am not at all alone, God lives in this "tent" with me. He is always there, shares all my thoughts and feelings and is closer than anyone. The "loneliness" is a product of wanting and missing the sensual feelings physical romance produces. Those feelings are just the temporary result of the "love drugs" of this animal body. All the "dreams" connected with romance are chemically induced fantasies. They are lies. Earthly romance can be one of the best natural experiences, but that is all it is. It is a part of this animal body. When I compare what romance is compared to what serving God is, then the romantic interests lose. The Bible says we can either recieve our rewards here in this temporary experience or we can get them in Heaven - and there they last forever! So what am I going to sacrifice, temporary, earthly reward or eternal Heavenly reward? What do I love the most, earthly pleasures or God and His Kingdom? Everything about God and His Kingdom win by a long shot. I will sacrifice the earthly stuff instead of God's stuff! God says those who love the world are His enemies.
So how do I overcome such a powerfully tangible sensation as the desire for a mate? The Bible tells me how. It tells me that what I choose to give credence to in my mind is what is going to determine my actions. It tells me to NOT trust my natural mind and heart and instead trust God's Word. It tells me to instead of just believing what I feel, I need to not give it credence until I have determined whether the thoughts and feelings are actually from God, instead of from my body, the world, or the Devil. It tells me to put off the thoughts and feelings from this earthly "tent", this body that my soul temporarily resides in, and instead dwell on the thoughts, feelings, and things of God. The Bible tells me that if I dwell on the natural things then those thoughts and feelings will overwhelm me and I will act upon them. But if I watch for and catch them and put them off and submit myself to God, I can overcome the natural things. It is my choice whether I am going to practice what the Word says or what my body tells me to do. Jesus set us free from being a slave to the natural desires that cause us to go against God. I am a Christian because I choose to believe in God and love Him and His ways at the expense of everything that competes with Him. So when I experience romantic desires, which is most of the time, instead of giving them credence I focus on the truth about them that I have believed from God's Word, and focus my attention on what I choose to value the most. Compared to Godly things the natural things of this earth lose their importance. The Truth sets me free from the power of the earthly desires. As I continue being a doer of God's Word, I succesfully stand against the storm of earhtly desires. If I stop being a doer of God's Word then the storms of earthly desires overwhelms me and I fall to them. But if and when that happens I confess and repent and God forgives me and I can start over again without condemnation. So I will press on to the Higher Calling of God and I hope my testimony helps you to do so also.